#and my brain isn't used to the lack of dopamine

[tikki-tok]

Whenever the depression chooses to rear its ugly head, it always shows up with a briefcase full of yearning that I DID NOT ASK FOR like NO bitch you will NOT cope with the stress of doing the dishes by dreaming of men you will DO THOSE DAMN DISHES

[tobiasdrake]

What's the best depiction of/metaphor for addiction you've seen in fiction?

I don't know if I'd call it the best; I have a hard time remembering all of the media I've consumed when given general questions like that. But the one that stands out most in my mind, at least, is Willow Rosenberg's four-season decline into overdependence and eventual substance abuse of magic in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

A point I really like about the way BTVS handles addiction is that it doesn't blame the substance. The message isn't, "Magic is bad for you; It makes you an addict." The problem is never magic, and we see other characters both using magic responsibly and confronting Willow for the way she uses it throughout the series.

The problem, the message that BTVS conveys through Willow's addiction plotline, is addiction. The problem with addiction is addiction. You can be addicted to all kinds of things, not just controlled substances like drugs and alcohol. Caffeine can be addictive. Sugar. Video games. Fast food. Gambling. Sex. The internet. Money. Whatever gives your brain that dopamine hit that makes life worth living, that can form an addiction.

The problem in BTVS isn't magic. It's Willow's dependency on it. The way she makes it her personality, replacing who she was before. The way she leans on it as a crutch whenever things are physically or emotionally difficult. The way it substitutes for her lack of self-esteem, validating her with an artificial confidence boost by making her feel powerful and uniquely capable.

It starts in season two, with Willow casting her very first spell in the season finale to restore Angel's soul. Giles warns her then and there that casting this spell will "open a door that you may never be able to close". She doesn't really know what that means and neither do we.

But from season three onwards as Willow begins to learn about magic, we see her constantly turning to magic whenever things get hard - against advisement from the rest of the cast. People think the addiction storyline began somewhere in season six, but it actually began in episode 03x08 "Lovers Walk".

Willow and Xander, at this point, had begun cheating on their boy/girlfriends Oz and Cordelia with each other. Willow feels intensely guilty for it. At this point, they have three options in front of them:

1 - Break up with Oz and Cordelia, and get together. 2 - Do a better job of controlling their attaction to one another and remain faithful to their partners. 3 - See if Oz and Cordelia would be up for a polycule.

Willow decides to take a fourth option: She decides unilaterally that she should cast an anti-love spell on herself and Xander to magically erase their feelings for one another. She doesn't even consult him on it; In fact, she actively lies to him to keep him from realizing what she's doing.

She's put in a difficult but relatable situation; This is her first time having to make a choice between two people she's interested in. It's a situation where she needs to figure out what she wants for herself. And her response is "I can lobotomize us with magic".

It's gonna be a bumpy ride from here. This is Willow's chief character flaw. When things are hard either physically or emotionally, she leans on magic - Whether it's appropriate or not. Something that both Giles and Tara criticize her for as the seasons progress, to which her response is to sneak around behind their backs and do spells without their knowing - Such as trying to curse Oz after their breakup or giving Dawn guidance to perform an ill-advised resurrection spell on her mom.

Again, the problem is never that she does magic. Magic is shown to be tremendously useful in making the impossible possible. The problem is that she keeps leaping to extreme gestures of magic to do what was already possible. That she uses it as an emotional crutch, as a surrogate for her own self-esteem.

Magic makes her feel powerful. It makes her feel valid. That's something she didn't have before she had magic, and something she doesn't have when she isn't using magic. So she overindulges and rides the high of being able to crinkle her nose and make party favors go up, or stab a god with knives, or make anyone she loses come back to life because she is Willow Almighty and magic has made her omnipotent.

She likes being Willow Almighty. It's an awful lot better than Willow the Put-Upon Nerd. So she lets an otherwise benign activity become her entire personality, and she is made worse because of it.

[madamlaydebug]

What does it mean to-->

A W A K E N?

One often observes these phrases burgeoning as spiritual lingo- "my awakening happened in xyx year" or ... "Ever since my Kundalini awakened on that exact day" or... some people mention in their bio- "woke up in xyz year".

What do they mean by that?

And how does one know if one has woken up or not?

Anybody who uses the above clearly doesn't know it and by the sheer display of that, they are doing a service to all by revealing that they lack the necessary depth to fathom this. And those who believe such, fall for it, are a vibrational match to that energy (so none is to blame) and hence they will come together as a unit to discuss these topics at the level of Consciousness that they can grasp and understand.

It only gets messy when one develops a spiritual righteousness about it and then looks down upon those who "have not woken up" in their eyes. Again, as all of existence is perfect as is, they will bite the bullet of their own creation and concoct a timeline that corrects the course for them sooner or later.

Now if one finds oneself attracted to that type of new age spiritual content then there is nothing wrong with it, atleast it gets them to talk about spirit instead of just being comfortable with the illusion of the dense material reality.

For the time being, what helps is this clarity- when one says they woke up in a certain year it actually means that the journey of self-study and self-inquiry was triggered for them by one or more marked events that point to a time period in their lives. It doesn't have to be painful, although it usually is.

As for how to know who has woken up? You CAN NEVER KNOW as an Enlightened being is under no obligation to act or behave a certain way that will fetch them respect over their "achievement" because they truly recognize that it isn't one. If anything, it is...

a STROKE OF MERCY

Physically, its liberation from the limbic system due to decalcified Pineal Gland in the brain. Dopamine/Serotonin/Oxytocin/Endorphin dependency gone forever --FREEDOM

[alpaca-clouds]

Media Literacy... It's kinda sad, right?

Matrix isn't exactly a subtle movie, right? It is anything but subtle, in fact. Sure, if you do not know a thing about trans people, the entire trans metaphor will fly right over your head. But the capitalism metaphor? That one kinda slaps you in the face.

Yet, I have spoken with so many people, who were unable to see it. In fact, I have spoken to so many people who were of the firm believe that the movie was somehow about the dangers of communism. Including this one dude, who reacted to my comment of "actually, the directors said it is about capitalism" with: "Then the directors have not understood their own movies."

And it is kinda a thing. A lot of people absolutely do lack media literacy. There are people who will watch "Team America" and come out thinking that it is a pro-America movie, for fuck's sake! (Not that I hold the highest opinion of that movie, but most certainly not for the valid criticism about America that it has.)

It is starting to kinda become a problem, right? Because for many people media just gets consumed without a second thought. Which includes news media. It just gets consumed as is, without any questioning of who made the media and what might be their intention with it. And make no mistake: Even news media is created with intentions further than "inform people of what is happening in the world right now". And because everyone is lacking that media literacy they so easily fall for both propaganda and conspiracy theories.

And oh boy, our media is filled with propaganda. Other than what some paranoid folks might tell you it is not propaganda to turn the kids gay, but rather to create "us vs them" narratives.

I always come back to the MCU and the entire pro-state, pro status quo, pro-America shit going on there. But talk to people about it and they will look at you as if you were speaking Latin.

I mean, I cannot blame anyone for just consuming. Because life is hard. Life sucks. And just turning your brain off to let some 200 million dollar movie give you some dopamine sounds like a fun thing to do.

But... It also is frightening to me. Because of those subtle messages that get thrown in there.

I don't know. It is all... hard.

[thewidowsledger]

Hear Me Out…

Robot/Android!Nat And Roboticist/Robotic Engineer!R

ᯓᡣ𐭩

R works for a high tech company and usually tests the robots and whatnot to ensure that they function before going out to the world. However R is tasked by their boss to create a robot rather then test them, due to their lack in understanding of being a Roboticist.

R eventually creates Natasha, an android unlike the other smaller builds that their co-workers assemble. Natasha at first is just a machine that follows orders from others. Natasha doesn’t have a sense of self hence being a robot.

She’d consistently call R her creator, always asking about what Natasha should do next or what duty she has in place. Eventually after all the tests Natasha is sold to the world to help others, leaving her creator behind and never seeing her for around 5-7 years.

One day Natasha’s system malfunctions, leading to the person to discard her in a dumpster after shutting her mechanisms off, seeing no use in her anymore. She sits in a wasteland, piled with garbage bags.

R somehow manages to find her old creation, digging Natasha out of the trash with and bringing Natasha back to her house.

What Natasha didn’t know was that R had quit her previous company due to the pay, becoming an entrepreneur and continuing to pursue her dreams in Robotics. R is one of the top people in the world that people look to for stuff like A.I, tiny mechanisms like Roomba’s and so on.

R fixes up Natasha after a whole night, cleaning and polishing her until she looks just as new as the day she made her. They then activate Natasha, their android who they never thought they would never see again. Natasha stares into the eyes and recognizes who it was, even after all those years.

Natasha seems to feel somthing burning in her chest, but she is unable to tell what it feels like. Androids don’t understand emotions, but R this time doesn’t plan to sell Natasha like previously. They keep Natasha and teach her about the world, programming her to retain more information and treats Natasha like a true being unlike her past.

Natasha doesn’t understand the warmth from her cold, mechanical body when she’s around R, but she knows that she wants to keep staying here.

ᯓᡣ𐭩

Ps, Love Your Stuff! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) I Read Your Fics All The Time And They’re Some Of My Favorite! (I Hope This Wasn’t Too Long💔)

-✨

Hi sparkle!!! Welcome to the gang! Okay, so I imagine Natasha being like Vision and all I could think about is how your first kiss went...you have noticed how she had developed emotional intelligence and it scared you a bit but didn't mind it otherwise. You thought maybe it is just a glitch on her system, not until she kissed you the first time...

"I have read that gentle kisses can heal troubled minds...when our lips touch, it stimulates the brain to release feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine. It's like a natural painkiller, reducing stress and anxiety."

This isn't a glitch anymore...

[venacoeurva]

People on my dash discussing this hence it's on my mind,

There are serious social and legal implications of minors participating and accessing adult spaces, the problem is kids are still pretty self-absorbed and selfish and lacking true comprehension of external consequences in that underdeveloped brain sort of way (even the nicest, most considerate and critical-thinking kids are going to be this way to some degree, it's not an insult) to grasp that. Normal adults feel violated and gross when catching a kid interacting with their adult art and so on. Kids do not comprehend it can be a massive life-ruining legal issue too (which most minors cannot grasp because again, still underdeveloped brain type of self-absorbed lack of understanding of consequences. Also kids usually don't understand the legal system. It sounds harsh and insulting but that's how it IS. I remember being that way, myself). Adults who are happy that or at the least enabling minors being in adult spaces is a RED FLAG.

Making adult spaces and blogs and sites have warnings, entering your age, big 18+ and 21+ warnings and so on is a thing, even if it won't stop everyone--some kids will be scared off from encroaching, though, thinking that accessing these pages while a minor and lying that they're an adult on the clickthrough warning will contact the police or something. We know it's not stopping everyone, but at the very least we're doing the most we can to save our asses short of carding everyone, which isn't the most reliable method, either. I feel like the inconvenience of having to enter birthdays or click through warnings may also annoy some kids into leaving, given the instant-dopamine, constant stimuli type internet these days kids are used to (and negatively cognitively affected by, I'm sure...) versus the "waiting 20 minutes for a JPEG to load" internet of old that required patience no matter what.

But for real, being a minor in an adult space can fuck you up, and it's just sad and scary how kids don't even realize this until it's years too late and/or they end up in some real dire situations because of it-- and even then, they probably won't realize the weight of the situation until later (if they're still alive, given the risk of kidnapping, stalking, or committing suicide if it reaches that level, especially if the site or victim and predator are local). How many of us adults look back in retrospect and shudder at what could have happened, or what did? I feel like most adults who had access to the internet as kids, especially in the 90s and 00s, went somewhere they weren't supposed to go, and a lot of us who weren't just lurking had a similar experience of running into adults with bad intentions once they sniffed out the kids being active there. A good amount of us became desensitized to things on shock sites, too, which is for sure not good for us, psychologically.

I mean, hell, thinking about it, teenagers and tweens can't even really access kids-only spaces anymore since a lot of those shut down or are heavily monetized, and of course either adults are just gonna kind of take it over if it gets popular and want the kids (who were there first) gone, or predators are going to specifically enter those spaces to croon at some poor kid how mature and smart they are and they should talk on Discord and that whole process. It's not a new thing, but it definitely continues. It's like as valuable as a resource it is, the internet is gonna fuck kids up no matter what, even if they stay in spaces meant for them, that are supposed to be moderated and protecting them, and a lot of kids have parents who do not care, do not check in on what younger kids are accessing and not noticing any sudden behavioral changes, or will punish them for "letting that happen", and that's utterly terrible.

[crazykuroneko]

Rewind the Tape — IWTV S1E04 Rewatch

Finally, I'm back with my rewatch for @iwtvfanevents after having to microdosing Ep 4 because of limited time, mood, and I just fell unconscious once I hit my bed. Again, FYI from before: this is my first time rewatching the show (excluding indirect watch through YouTube reactions), and its purpose for me to refresh my mind and noticing things. So, I won't dwell on certain ongoing or past theories, but I'll take notes about the possibilities I notice as the rewatch goes for myself. Also, disclaimer, because I've had people put words into my mouth before: When I'm assuming the reason a certain character does what they do, it's not to give them an excuse. It's my way of trying to understand what the writers have in their minds. For me, if the action of a character doesn't make sense in that character's eyes, based on their personality, then it's bad writing.

Okay, that's long enough. Be careful with the S2 spoiler alerts. Time to meet ✨ Claudia✨

• It's been 10 years since Daniel published a book and his publisher seems questioning his ability to write a book.

• Armand barely gets any sunlight here.

• *Googling* Levodopa is used to reduce Parkinson's symptoms, like tremors, stiffness, and slowness, which are caused by lack of dopamine. It works by being converted to dopamine in brain.

• "Electronic mailbox" Armand, you're so funny.

• Resting? Wait, have they ever did an interview during mornings before? Ep 1, it's night. Ep 2, during dinner time to late at night. Okay, it seems Ep 3 starts in the day to night. Gonna pay attention to this more. 

• The interior designer is a woman. "Louis is missing the 'natural' world" What tree is that again? I'm bad with plants.

• Claudia wrote her name and the year on her first diary. Cute. (But ofc she probably stopped doing that after Loustat read her diaries)

• They arrived in Paris November 14, 1945. A week after Lestat's birthday, fyi. There's a headcanon Armand's (it seems people got it from a wikia, which was taken from an official calendar, but no one has checked that calendar) is November 11. 

• They're in Ploiesti in 1941, eating POWs.

• My caption doesn't write it, but Lestat says, "Impossible. Elle est trop jeune." (She's too young) Oh, Louis 😔

• "I just need her not to die". And Lestat probably recalled Louis crying on their bed over not able to have a child, and there they went to doom themselves and Claudia. Anything (because unlike Louis, he knows all the consequences) to keep Louis happy AND stay with him. 

• The contrast between Louis' and Claudia's transformation. Lestat doesn't let her to drink much, just enough to turn her. There's no gentleness or anything when Lestat holds her. In fact, the camera stays on his rough hold, highlighting the ugliness of it. Isn't in the books being turned without consent seen akin to rape? 

• "Hell demons" lol. I wonder when she got his first diary and when she arrived at that conclusion. 

• "It's my new house?" "It is if you want it to be" as if she has another option. Louis, you're so funny. 

• Delaying to tell Claudia that she needs to feed on humans. Telling her there's another "choice" than eating humans. Expecting Claudia to feel regret the next day after killing a human. Louis, stop putting your own feelings in her.

• "He has to relay on my words to understand me. Just like humans." "We are a family?" Monsters who have to keep a bit of humanity to get along, who are also playing house like humans.

• You could tell Lestat is already sensitive about being left out in the telepathic conversation since the beginning.

• Claudia witnessing queer relationship for the first time is so amusing lol

• Claudia says ACAB 😌

• This scene doesn't feel "smooth" to me. I don't know if it's the editing or the writing. First, that last line by the cop is too long for such a short action. Second, i think they could pick a better intonation for "not a cop" there. Plus, the placement makes it feel like they almost forgot to put it. 

• Claudia needs twice amount of blood than Loustat. She's still energetic when the sleep time comes. Noted. 

• "Kill juice" Lestat and Claudia are bonding over vampirism.

• "Have you seen my slippers?" "Under the chair by the window" The domesticity uwu.

• The lines about Lestat talking about Claudia's writing habit are so witty when you remember he canonly writes the Vampire Chronicles books. A platonic kiss for IWTV writers again.

• Claudia's new coffin is called The Feathered Nest. A call back to Louis saying him in Lestat's nest in Ep 2. 

• Since the beginning, Claudia likes to ask and figure out things that she doesn't know, while Louis won't say anything to not rock the boat.

• "We try to accustom her to the thought of coming home to God" Oh gosh, Louis is so bad at lying 😭

• Okay, seriously. We know in Ep 2, after Louis is just turned that /at least/ his sight and hearing becomes more sensitive. And in this episode, Claudia can smell the cop's blood from afar. But this lore doesn't consistent with the stinky bodies at their home in Ep 5 and the fact Claudia can stalk Lestat many times (and ofc Claudia and Louis at Antoinette's place in Ep 6 as well). This uncontinuity gives me a headache. OR after they manage to control their senses (Lestat's saying "focus on my voice, a single strain"), their senses basically become normal and only can do more when they willing it? I'm trying to make sense of it here.

• "I miss sleeping with you." So, in good days, they sleep together in Louis' coffin. They /probably/ haven't been doing it since Antoinette thing started (I mean, I wouldn't). That's 8 months. (The sanctioned infidelity narration is on Feb 1917, Claudia started to write her diary in late Sept 1917 and she still sleeps with Louis by that time. Based on this timeline)

• "Sometimes, you gotta be careful where you dig, you understand?" Not to fast forward to S2, but this sounds so ominous. 

• Louis in the night with this pink striped shirt 🥰

• "Is that what he's up to when he goes out alone?" No wonder stalking Lestat is the first thing she does after Charlie. 

• Do I believe Louis' answer is true? I do, because writing-wise, I don't see there's any reason for Lestat to cheat (as in having a relationship with someone else, because I could see him still making out with humans before eating them) when they keep spending their time together except when Lestat is hunting and Louis and Claudia go out together like in this scene. Plus, unlike in Ep 6, during this era Claudia still follows the no telepathic talking rule. (See: Claudia's "I'll tell Uncle Les you talk to me this way" later) Something, I assume, makes Lestat feel alienated from the two and goes to cheat to find a connection with another on his own. But I digress.

• "Used to caught up in human affairs. Then you."

• Okay, at least Daniel waits Armand to finish his sunnah prayer before interrupting him, though Armand should continue doing his Ashr prayer soon. Anyway, i wish they used adhan that's clearer. I mean, I could only listen the beginning of each phrase, not the end.

• Claudia throwing a thing at Lestat and he barely reacted and proceed to pick it off the floor right away. For a period of time, Claudia is indeed the queen in that house. "This was given to me by a marquis..." If that's from Lestat's father, which makes that a family heirloom, and he gave that to Claudia. That means big for a Provider man like Lestat. (hashtag me and Lestat loved Claudia once propaganda) They are supposed to have 6 years of "good time".

• "When they can't (figuring out their problems), I can always get between them and make it right." Claudia is literally a band-aid. I suppose she helps them communicating because as I said in previous episodes, Loustat tend to not address the real problem, just shift to something that will make them feel better and forget it until it comes up again.

• *S2 spoiler alert* No, never think about how Claudia's interest in acting probably grew from the times Loustat bringing her to watch picture shows and Lestat acting them out in front of them. And in the end, it's what makes her fall into the trap of the troupe easier in S2. No, we're fine.

• "Know what her last words are?" I love her psychopath side, obsessing over last words after being called a devil in one.

• Oh, Grace's inflection when saying "uncle". They have heard a lot of homophobic jabber and satanic accusations from Florence over the years, no doubt. 

• This is from Claudia's POV, so it's interesting how she's paying attention and remembers to write it down. 

• Louis really has put down his dutiful son and brother "hat" after having a family himself.

• I think this is probably the last time Claudia admits she has a lot in common with Lestat *insert xie lian's idk whether i have to cry or laugh here*

• That scene of Claudia eating the guy is so classic horror, complete with the blood splatter on glass. Love.

• Lestat really brings her to Lovers' Lane without thinking about the effects. He probably thinks because her appetite stays big like a kid, her mind will stay like that forever. 

• "I don't remember buying that outfit" Lestat bought all Claudia's outfits ofc. (I don't regard interviews as part of canon, but Sam did say that Louis chose Claudia's outfits)

• My theory: Lestat could notice when Claudia and Louis telepathically speaking if he pays attention to their expressions. I mean, he clearly has a thing for being alienated by telepathic connection (for a good reason, if they adapt that part of the book, cmiiw), so it makes sense if he just can tell. 

• THE HORSE IS CALLED BELLA LOL

• She really has a crush on the first good man she meets. So adorable, if not for her monologue 

• She knocks the railing every time she walks towards Loustat's room? Oh I would like to know the backstory that causes this rule/habit 👀. But if it's a rule, it's an interesting when you recall Lestat's "Child. Intervening the romance of the parents" or something like that in Ep 6.

• Waiting on balcony just like her father in Ep 1. The writers are strong with their "Evil of my evil" propaganda.

• Claudia figures out how to block people's thoughts since teenager. Louis has never had a reason to do it

• Again, Claudia is such a curious girl. She dives right in with Charlie

• Sorry, but the editing in this episode is kinda sloppy. I keep noticing things 😭

• This connection Claudia has with last words. It's been awhile but I wonder if we'll get to see it again. *S2 spoiler alert* Perhaps Madeleine says something to her before you-know-what. Or Claudia says something to Louis instead. I just love patterns yknow. 

• Daniel Hart is just slaying in the background with his music. 

• Vampires feel "loose" when they're aroused, which leads to become very bitey.

• That's why she goes to find out how vampirism works right away. Suddenly Lestat can't do what he did to her. She realizes she knows nothing about her current life

• That scene of Lestat and Claudia at the incinerator... Past Louis doesn't know they're burning Charlie and what exactly what Lestat says there. Imagine reading the latter in her diary.

• The transition from Lestat's whole speech about not being close to a mortal to Daniel ����🤌🤌

• If Daniel is true that Louis has had all of the diaries in '70s, so my guess Louis doesn't look fine at all in the flashback is right. He's "wearing hats" again.

• I wonder what Louis wanted to say. But knowing him and judging from his reaction to Daniel's brashness, it's something that sugarcoats  Claudia's position in their "family"

• The way Claudia knocks the railing but then it goes weaker, she doesn't really care about the houserules or childish habits anymore 

• The last scene is a nice hint/nod to you-know-what, but also I once read someone saying that what she does is the equivalent of a teenager doing self-harming when they're depressed, and I can't unsee that anymore. I think that's a spot-on.

• This is the last episode we hear "In Throes in Increasing Wonder" as a closing music btw. You know, the music that represent Loustat's love. They really say we're going downhill 

Summary:

For the previous episodes, I always finished my rewatch and tried to figure out what theme of that episode. Of course it's always about Louis because this is Louis' season first and foremost. But for the theme of this episode, I think it's: Louis' first meeting with Claudia and the first time he has failed her. The first part is obvious, the second part, like I said above, Louis only finds how far Lestat's action is to Claudia after he reads her diaries later. I think, he sees that as his first failure to her; unable to stop Lestat making it worse for her.  And we will see Claudia criticize this more in Ep 6.

This episodes also shows Louis' misconception about Claudia. He expects Claudia to react the same way to vampirism as he is. And we will see more of this in the later episodes (but of course the most obvious one is in Ep 7)

This episode is in Claudia's POV, but I like to call it "the closest thing to ideal life Louis has ever gotten", at least until Charlie happens. Like Lestat says in the church scene, Louis wears a lot of "hats": being the good son and good executive in charge of their fortune for his family, being the good straight man, being the good savvy businessman for his family and his own people, and later being a good vampire for Lestat. This time, he gets to take most of them, if not all, off and focus himself wholly on Claudia and Lestat, his family. He says himself, Claudia's existense silences all the noise, chaos, the crisis of his former existence. He has a daughter who has literal telepathic connection to him, someone who can know what he feels without saying anything. Someone by whom he doesn't feel being judged because he can know what she thinks. He has a husband who spends most of his time with them as a family. Who takes their daughter together to shop, Louis choosing the stuffs, Lestat paying for it. Who protects their family when they need to fulfill their daughter's needs (see: the buying coffin scene). Who also has a quality time with their daughter, even though it's mostly about killing humans. Unfortunately, it's rigged to burn, because Claudia won't be a child forever despite her body, outgrowning the very particular role Loustat need from her to maintain their play house.

Oh, I almost forgot, I wonder what the arrangement is with Louis' diet during this happy period. He doesn't do as much action as he did in previous episodes and we do see him eating animals still, but it looks like his sex life is thriving. He has control over his emotions pretty well. So, I assume he doesn't starve himself completely. At least, not as bad as he did before. Perhaps, this is one of the problems Claudia says she has "to smooth out". Though we know later she has never said directly to Louis how she actually doesn't completely agree with his diet choice from Episode 7. *S2 spoiler alert* And we know he later decides to eat human every other day to survive their European trip. My long time theory is Lestat manipulates him into drinking from him at least once a week as a solution. (and that's why he's more powerful than his book counterpart when he's not completely starving himself) 🤔

By the way, since this is the middle of the season, I'd like to say I think this is overall my least favorite episode so far. Mostly from the technical side, but I still love how they sprinkle hints of Claudia's own personality. I think my most favorite episode overall is Ep 1. I just love how their built Louis' personality in it. The performance is crazy, and the directing set the tone of the rest of the season. The directing in Ep 3 is top notch as well, especially towards the end. You really could feel the growing tension. The writing weaving all this history and race problem into Louis' personal life is genius as well.

[ask-arthur-conan-doyle]

I'm curious to know about this and I hope you will entertain me... Even if it is about Holmes. I'll promise to be quick.

She slapped her hands together like a prayer as she smiled in the most pleading way possible.

All I'm asking is for your opinions on people theorizing Holmes possibly having ADHD especially because people noticed his reaction to a certain stimulant isn't how people without the disorder react...

She blinked for a moment because she forgot something

I forgot that ADHD, aka Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder, was discovered since the 1960s... My bad. Not really sure how to explain other than it's a diagnosis used to better explain different neuroanatomy and how dopamine as well as noradrenaline processed at a low amount therefore stimulants can be used to increase it to bring some kind of balance. That's because doctors have found they're people out here whose brain is either overstimulated/under stimulated, lack of impulse control, and problem maintaining focus and motivation. We can't shut off those parts of the brain that handle past recall, future planning, and daydreaming when we're in the middle of a task... Then there's the memory problems because of how easily we are distracted... I think I did what I could here.

She paused for a moment to think of what else is important to mention.

Oh yeah, I also have it alongside another neurodevelopmental disorder, so I'm extra curious as to why you write him this way. I mean I can assume it might be one of those cases you... Nevermind, I'm just gonna let you answer how you wish.

She stopped herself from getting carried away. It seems like she tried really hard to word herself as perfectly as she could.

((Had to research again because it's been a while since I looked into ADHD... Also had to rewrite this like 4 times because it was getting so fuckin long and to detailed)).

Arthur puts his pen down and leans back from his desk chair.

You're referring to Holmes' habitual substance use, I'm gathering?

He frowns.

This.. isn't exactly an easy question to answer, nor a simple one. It's a bit complex.

I mean, the simple answer is that Holmes is the way he is because that's how I decided he is - but that's not quite the answer you're looking for, is it?

Arthur sighs.

Given the explanation you've so kindly detailed, I suppose I should give you a real response.

Yes, I do believe that had Holmes been created after the first diagnoses of 'ADHD' came about, I may have taken into account these neurodevelopmental disorders into his beginnings.

While these types of things were only given a name in the more recent years, it's not as if they didn't exist during my time. So yes, it's possible that the Victorian era equivalent of modern-day 'ADHD' is exactly what I had in mind when creating him.

Though, it's equally possible it's something else entirely - or nothing at all.

He offers a challenging smile.

You know my methods, Duckie, darling. Apply them.

[maitaiwiththecorpses]

i have been crying on and off for the past twelve hours because no one wants to play with my hair.

In this essay, I will explain to you why starving someone with adhd of physical touch is SO detrimental.

HA

YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GOING TO WRITE THE ESSAY HUH

WELL HERE IT IS BITCHES

People with adhd suffer from what is commonly known as 'object impermanence'. This being the case, it kinda narrows down our potential list of love languages (btw this is by no way all encompassing to the adhd community, but this is based off both personal experience and a lot of research) Soooo that leaves us with words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. And you know what goes hand in hand? Quality time and physical touch. SO for the purpose of this essay/dissertation/rant, we're going to consider those as one and the same (yes i am completely aware how different they can be BUT FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS ESSAY-). Take words of affirmation away- those go away pretty quickly anyway- and you're basically left with physical touch.

If you deprive someone who REGULARLY and CHRONICALLY lacks dopamine, the chemical needed in order for their brain and body to function, be happy, basically be human, and then deprive them of the medium in which they prefer to experience affection in, I'll be damned if they're NOT crying non stop for the next twelve hours only to go numb from the overstimulation and raging swells of emotion. Not to mention, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, or RSD, is SUPER common with people who have adhd and is kinda hard to combat once they're already in a swing of dysphoria, so when you 'reject' them (deprive them of their affection) you're basically telling them, "nope, you're lying to me about your needs, you don't need this affection right now, or ever, and you're just a clingy little bitch."

Ahem.

Of course, it's completely understandable when the person who is supposed to be physical with the adhder isn't in the mood for hugs or hair playing or cuddling, but if you consciously have an adhder and they need that kind of affection, then BOTh of you need to be equipped with strategies and mechanisms to 1) combat the RSD 2) meet both people's needs 3) BE FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEINGS

the worst part is, because people with adhd experience such strong and crippling RSD, a lot of the time they can't even bring themselves to ASK for affection which them leads them into a further pid of dysphoria and depression which then leads to a NON FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING.

So. What am I saying? Cuddle your peeps with adhd (consensually.) And play with their hair. Especially if they explicitly asked for it, because that shit is hard. Give them a hug. Hold their hand. We're touched starved out here, people, do fluffy domestic shit or smth. Pull us by the belt loops and give us crushing hugs that could end panic attacks I DONT KNOW GET CREATIVE

[thrawns-babygirl]

I had an anon in my askbox that was rudely asking me something along the lines of "why aren't you posting about Crosshair anymore" and I got mad and deleted it before figuring I should probably explain myself a little because all 860 of you did initially follow me for crosshair content so here goes:

So, like many of us, I am neurodivergent. I have intense, all encompassing hyperfixations that give me that ridiculous dopamine hit that we all know and love. Unfortunately, these hyperfixations have a shelf life (as much as I would prefer to be able to hyperfixate on a single thing for a long time and not worry about the enjoyment waning)

This means that in time, I struggle to connect with certain media the way I used to. If I set certain media to the side and then think about it a little while later, then I can sometimes get that rush back like I did when I first engaged with the media.

A good example of this is actually Hux and the sequel trilogy. Back when the sequels were new and exciting I was a feral Hux stan. I didn't have a blog I used back then so I just read fanfic on Ao3 and info dumped to my friends. (Lmao sorry guys)

But then the interest slowly waned, for star wars all together and I hyperfixated on other things, My Hero Academia, Haikyuu, Star Trek, until eventually my brain had enough of a break from Star Wars and let me get fully invested in it again.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, I would love nothing more than to still be fully invested in the Bad Batch fandom, but my brain will not let me feel the same way about it until I have a small break and think about something else for a while.

And like many of us, it was my comfort show. With my comfort characters. When the season 2 finale aired I was a mess. I'm not even a full time Tech fan but the way he went out broke me. It was hard to think about the show at all without feeling a whole slew of negative emotions, so I started rewatching rebels and the sequels to find a new comfort show and other comfort characters.

Look none of this makes any sense, but basically I'm sorry for the hux spam and lack of TBB content lately. It will return. I will come back to it, but its just really hard at the moment. I'll still finish off the requests once I am settled at my new house, but after that I probably won't turn requests back on for a while until I get over my negative emotions towards the show.

And before you hit me with the "but Hux died too" look i know, it's just easier to talk myself out of that one because it was so negligible in the grand scheme of the movie I can pretend he was helped into a bacta tank or something.

Look, if you got this far, thanks for reading my unmedicated ramblings. I'm sorry that the content you followed me for isn't happening as much anymore, but it will come back one day. When it's less difficult for me to think about.

Until then, enjoy the Thrawn posting and Hux posting. Or don't. I dont make the rules.

[loganofthenorth]

Me: Alright, everything's quiet, my physical needs have been taken care of, I want to write, and brain rot about my OCs isn't in the way. Let's get to work!

ADHD toddler that lives in my head: Give me five good reasons why we should work on the work in progress

Me: 1. We get positive feedback when we update this story, which really benefits our mental health, self esteem, and motivation to write other things

2. We ended the WIP on a cliffhanger last time we updated it and it needs to be resolved

3. There is no reason not to work on the WIP

4. Autism- *points at the Autistic hermit sitting next to me*

Autistic hermit: *waves while reading a Sanders Sides transcript, a book about dolphins, and an article about clementines*

Me: - needs a routine to function, and this is a big part of that

And 5. We are fortunate enough to have parents willing to support us so that we can make writing our full time career. If we don't actually write, those two- *points at Anxiety and Depression*

Anxiety: *pacing around with a list of problems to resolve in our projects and muttering about our lack of productivity lately even though we've been productive just in other ways*

Depression: *sleeping and not bothering us because we have enough dopamine from earlier mentioned comments and interactions on Tumblr to keep them at bay for the most part*

Me: - will make life harder for us by making me feel bad for wasting that support.

ADHD Toddler: 1. Yes, that's true, but if we keep writing the WIP I'll get sick of it and want nothing to do with it anymore

Me: But we're almost done, we only have a few chapters left.

ADHD Toddler: 2. We updated that, like, two days ago? Three days? Idk how time works. Days have just felt like weeks lately for some reason so it just feels like a long time when it isn't. They can wait. Also- *gets distracted by a squirrel*

Me: Are you done?

ADHD Toddler: Huh? Oh, right...

Me: ...

ADHD Toddler: ...

Me: Well?

ADHD Toddler: What was I saying?

Me: You said people can wait for a cliffhanger, then had another point.

ADHD Toddler: Oh, right. So, these people watch Sanders Sides, right? They're used to waiting like six months or lately more than a year for the next important chapter.

Autistic Hermit: Huh...

ADHD Toddler: 3. I gave you a reason when addressing your first point, we'll get sick of it if we don't work on other things too.

Autistic Hermit: They're... Actually using really good logic...

Me: I know, it's terrifying

ADHD Toddler: 4. Routine smoutine. I'd rather have poutine.

Autistic Hermit: There it is

Me: Yep...

ADHD Toddler: And, finally... *gets distracted by a lightbulb*

Anxiety: Whelp that's it we've spent an entire hour doing absolutely nothing, we're clearly not getting any work done tonight

Me: *sighs* ADHD, if I let you say your last point, will you let me work?

ADHD Toddler: Huh? What last point?

Me: Never mind. We're going to write a really cool story now, okay?

ADHD Toddler: Okay!

Me: *gets my IPad*

ADHD Toddler: This was fun, you should post it on Tumblr.

Me: Oh yeah sure!

ADHD Toddler: Oh, right! I remembered! 5. I don't see why you think you've wasted their support by not writing all the time. Last year you wrote, edited, designed a cover for, and self published a novel of your own in one year. While doing that, you also balanced friendships, worked on your mental health, wrote like, what, three full fan novels and are about to finish another one? Not to mention all the unfinished fan fics you have that made people happy, and all the role plays which might as well be novels. Just because you're not making money yet, and you're not writing every day, doesn't mean you're wasting the support you were given.

Me: ...

Autistic Hermit: Who the hell have you been talking to? Where has all this logic come from?

ADHD Toddler: We're hyper fixated on Sanders Sides

Autistic Hermit: Fair enough

ADHD Toddler: *gasps* What if we like, made our own you tube series but like, instead of aspects of the personality like Sanders Sides it's our different disabilities?

Autistic Hermit: You thought about that before

Anxiety: We don't have the same resources Thomas Sanders has to make it professional

Autistic Hermit: Like a *shudders* team of people to work with

Anxiety: *also shudders* Or space of our own to film in

Depression: *murmurs* Or the motivation to keep dedicated to that for long...

Autistic Hermit: Or the cameras, lighting, sound equipment, video editing skills, ability to make a polished costume,

Anxiety: we can't mask Autism's traits long enough to get a good recording

Depression: *murmurs* And we don't fit conventional beauty standards enough to do well in a video based algorithm...

ADHD Toddler: I guess we'll just have to find another way to make a series that gets us a fandom one day... You know, since the book we wrote didn't get immediate results so now I'm being petty.

Autistic Hermit: Our book series is a long term project. It will get more recognition as we continue to publish the series.

Anxiety: It would get more recognition if we made more adds

ADHD Toddler: But why make Tik Toks no one interacts with but two hundred people see when we could make Tumblr posts that no one sees but two people interact a lot with?

Me: *sighs* This is getting us no where

Anxiety: Stop typing on Tumblr and get to work or we might lose our ability to work forever

Autistic Hermit: But that doesn't make sense. We've gone a long time without writing before

Depression: *murmurs* We did get a lot worse at writing after that though...

Me: I think that's more because ADHD got worse during that time so writing became harder

ADHD Toddler: Yeah

Anxiety: *scoffs* At least they admit it

Me: Anywho, I'm tagging this now, clicking post, and then we will work on our WIP. My apologies mutuals for the long post.

[miriel-elenna]

Parody

The series so far...

Cas went to the used bookstore in town every time he had the opportunity.

Over the Bookshelf was tucked away in the small Main Street shopping area, sandwiched between a Domino's pizza on one side and a sandwich place on the other. It was, in Dean's words, more hole in the wall than a hole in the wall, but Cas found something delightful whenever he visited.

He was beginning to understand why humans put so much emphasis on olfactory sensations, because that first hit of old books, decaying paper and glue, sent dopamine and oxytocin swirling through his brain; a sensation almost as strong, almost but not quite, as what he felt every time he walked into his and Dean's home.

Their home together.

This visit to the bookstore was no different. He grinned as he meandered through the narrow aisles, books shoved willy-nilly into overstuffed shelves. He hadn't arrived with any particular goal, no preconceived book to purchase or purloin. He would know what he was looking for when he saw it.

Amongst a shelf of dusty paperbacks, a particularly lurid cover caught his eye. When he read the title he couldn't keep himself from flipping to the first page. The temptation was simply too great.

That's where Dean found him, his head thrown back in uproarious laughter. Cas rarely laughed so hard that tears leaked from his eyes, but he couldn't stop. The whole thing was too ridiculous.

"What's got you chuckling, sunshine?" Dean asked, a grin on his face.

Cas wiped his eyes and handed the book over. "This thing is entirely absurd."

Dean's eyes widened, a look of shocked horror on his face. He shuddered and dropped the book on the floor, rubbing his hands on his jeans as if to wipe them clean.

"Were you seriously reading one of the Supernatural books?" Dean grimaced. "What the fuck, Cas. I could practically hear you laughing from the street. Didn't realize my life was that funny to you."

Cas bent down and picked the book up, placing it back on its precarious perch. He took a breath and considered how to best respond. Dean could be very sensitive about some things.

He looked up and caught Dean's eyes with his own. "I didn't read them before, there was no point at first and even less later. Reading it now--" Cas paused and placed his hand on Dean's cheek, guiding his eyes back up to meet his own.

"Dean," Cas continued, voice low. "I don't know who that character in the book is. He shares your name but he isn't you. Chuck could not conceive of you, not the real you. He lacked the imagination to understand all of your best and brightest parts. He could never see you, not truly."

"Sweet talker," Dean muttered, eyes suspiciously bright. "But you can see me, is that it?"

"Of course," Cas replied, steady and certain as a mountain. Knowing Dean, seeing Dean, was like knowing and seeing himself; intrinsic and all-encompassing.

Cas crowded up against Dean, pushing him backwards against another tottering shelf. He felt Dean's breath hitch, his pulse speeding, eyes wide again, but not in horror.

He kissed Dean, the pressure going from light and teasing to dark and promising within the space of a gasped breath. Dean opened to him and in that moment, like so many others, Cas marveled at the enormity of Dean's heart.

"Plus," Cas mumbled deep beside Dean's ear, hand going lower to brush teasingly against where Dean was hot and yearning. "He conspicuously undersells the heft of your 'throbbing member.'"

Dean yelped and pushed Cas away. "What the fuck! That was the one where I was full frontal? Seriously, Cas?"

Cas shrugged, though he would hardly use the term "full-frontal." Chuck was a sub-optimal erotica writer.

Dean pointed at Cas. "You're sleeping on the couch." He turned and stormed away.

Cas rolled his eyes. He caught up to Dean, grabbing onto and holding his hand for full effect. "No, I'm not." Cas declared.

Dean had the temerity to roll his own eyes, but he squeezed Cas' hand "Fine. You're probably not."

Cas grinned, secure in his victory. They held hands as they left the store.

"Was that monster truck actually racist?" Cas asked, unable to stop himself.

Dean glanced over, eyes narrowed. His mouth twitched. And then, there, in the middle of the sidewalk, on a clear autumn day, Dean started to laugh.

[the-heaminator]

👀

ATP this au is very half baked but bear with me here. Half baked in the sense that I've never done anything for it but it haunts my thoughts.

Ie the lobotomy au because nation biology is a bitch like that.

A few other thoughts that I am not coherent enough to plot out.

first off so lobotomies were particularly popular in the 40s and 50s, a time where logically Arthur would not be very stable, and like a lot of lobotomies were performed for no reason other than to make the patient more docile and less "difficult" and to an extent it does work, a lobotomy being the removal of part, or sometimes the whole of the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that is (to date) known to do many things, it plays a central role in cognitive control functions, and dopamine in the PFC modulates cognitive control, thereby influencing attention, impulse inhibition, prospective memory, and cognitive flexibility.

Which means that removing it makes him more docile and calmer, and supposedly gets rid if his problem of seeing things, at the rather steep cost of partial memory loss, change in personality (often very severe) loss of impulse control and high distractability.

Like this could be seen as an improvement for a short period of time, no longer is he ranting raving and talking to things that aren't there, but then he starts becoming apathetic and his usual difficulty to accept change just isn't there, as well as personality changes that could range from him becoming too trusting, almost childlike in certain aspects, to manic and quite mad, sometimes forgetting he had eaten and would keep eating more regardless.

This becomes a problem very soon because I mean just look at the above paragraphs and tell me this isn't worrying, he gets reset, and his brain heals somehow, which raises the questions of will everything go back to normal or will some of the side effects persist, like will his memory still be a bit shit for a couple decades afterwards, it could he used to explain a lot of the shit he got up to in the 60s and 70s, lack of impulse control and all that, and just hnghgg

Also how would this effect the people around him in long and shirt term.

Theres also the fact that this is what would happen if it went correctly, they used a fucking ice pick half of the time, it could easily fuck up and kill, but for the purposes of this it could hit somewhere where it most definitely shouldn't, the hypothalami or pituitary glands for example. Like I want a nation physical subject, or a cadaver I'm not choosy. But they're fictional so what do I do.

[madamlaydebug]

What does it mean to-->

A W A K E N?

One often observes these phrases burgeoning as spiritual lingo- "my awakening happened in xyx year" or ... "Ever since my Kundalini awakened on that exact day" or... some people mention in their bio- "woke up in xyz year".

What do they mean by that?

And how does one know if one has woken up or not?

Anybody who uses the above clearly doesn't know it and by the sheer display of that, they are doing a service to all by revealing that they lack the necessary depth to fathom this. And those who believe such, fall for it, are a vibrational match to that energy (so none is to blame) and hence they will come together as a unit to discuss these topics at the level of Consciousness that they can grasp and understand.

It only gets messy when one develops a spiritual righteousness about it and then looks down upon those who "have not woken up" in their eyes. Again, as all of existence is perfect as is, they will bite the bullet of their own creation and concoct a timeline that corrects the course for them sooner or later.

Now if one finds oneself attracted to that type of new age spiritual content then there is nothing wrong with it, atleast it gets them to talk about spirit instead of just being comfortable with the illusion of the dense material reality.

For the time being, what helps is this clarity- when one says they woke up in a certain year it actually means that the journey of self-study and self-inquiry was triggered for them by one or more marked events that point to a time period in their lives. It doesn't have to be painful, although it usually is.

As for how to know who has woken up? You CAN NEVER KNOW as an Enlightened being is under no obligation to act or behave a certain way that will fetch them respect over their "achievement" because they truly recognize that it isn't one. If anything, it is...

a STROKE OF MERCY

Physically, its liberation from the limbic system due to decalcified Pineal Gland in the brain. Dopamine/Serotonin/Oxytocin/Endorphin dependency gone forever --FREEDOM

[hybrid-machine]

Getting old is weird

My brain's not the same. My personality is not the same. Trauma and depression changed me too, and makes me see the world differently. I have so many more competing perspectives which make up the whole, rather than a selective version of seeing the world pre-awareness of inner work. Dopamine isn't as easy to come by. And hyper awareness of self and world is exhausting too. Responsibility and being in survival mode is also tiring. Maintaining well-being and community when living in a hyper-independent society that assigns you sole responsibility for things that used to be distributed - is also tiring. My health is the worst it's been, due to a cascade of emotional/ life /injury things (it's all biopsychosocial isn't it), but my awareness and centeredness is solid and protective. And I will get there, with help. With focus. Wanting to fight wholeheartedly by both slowing down (countering capitalism) and matching the pace (to survive). My flame is there, and it's warm, and steady. I won't give up. I didn't know how far I'd come (in good and bad ways) until I reviewed old files on my laptop. My music taste was so broad, and I found an old recording where I was laughing with friends. In those carefree, pre-injury, pre-depression days (also denial and lack of reality days). But what struck me is how different a person I seemed from who I am now. I was hyper-bouncy, energetic, smiley, responsive, fun. A child in her 20s. Holy heck. I'm so drowned by my lack of energy these days. I know priorities have changed, and those are important and necessary. And my escapism wasn't a good track to be on. But I just don't recognise that person in the recording. So many things to reflect on. The person I've become is more honest about my needs, and more lonely and selective. More aware of self and world, and more socially awkward about seeking community. Recreation and joy are harder to acquire when the mind is preoccupied with survival and loneliness and hard work. I like the idea of just letting things happen, and seeing if friends want to join in. Not making a big deal of events, scheduling etc, just calling randomly (I do not do that btw) and sharing those mundane moments with people. Being more open about the struggles, sharing good moments, talking about potential future ideas and projects. Like holy heck I want to buy a house end of this year, what is that. The momentum of the past year. I'm just not really sure what's wrong. I was chatting to a friend about it, and maybe it's depression and capitalism, lol.

Anyhow, I rediscovered Origa (blissful female vocals music, she sings in Russian, English and Japanese.. and has done covers for anime I think, like Ghost in the Shell - which I loooove). And it's filling my brain with spheres of feelings. I think it's good to be in this space of journaling, like I used to. I think capturing peaceful moments is also nourishing. Especially in a world that is constantly demanding your attention, your busy-ness, or filling your urban environment with noise. I think I need to protect my space better. The past 5 years have been rough. Rude awakenings :P January 25, 2023

[noodleswithsoba-blog]

As someone from the Older Gen Z crowd with a very similar situation to the other reblogger, my mother tended to value physical media a lot more. Her habit, and mine too, is to get movies and games that greatly affected us.

I also grew up in a low income household with limited games and movies, but I was also fond of the nature of film itself. Of games themselves.

I used to play Pokemon, and still do, and come up with personalities and motivations for my Pokemon. Why they went with me rather than me just chucking a ball at them.

That's why I love my Jolteons whenever I get them. Because they're the same Jolteon from the first game I got him. Following me from region to region like Ash and his Pikachu.

That's not to say I don't recognize the distillation of movies and shows to just content. It's even affecting the Fanfiction writing sphere as well. Authors and creatives the world over are just treated as soulless, lifeless things to churn out what they create just so people can hit the immediate dopamine high and never really chew on it.

That's why analysis of why someone loves something is so important, or how someone doesn't like something. Taking it apart and chewing on the elements of what make it work or not work is important and healthy for both people and the creatives that make what they love to make.

That's why I love movies that make me think, that make me sit with it and try to figure out my interpretation of what I just watched.

If I ever get the "Turn your brain off." stuff on my work, I'd wanna comment and tell them, "No. Please keep your brain on, I need you to walk with me, not drag you along while you clap. I want to affect you and let you feel and think."

I feel as though the lack of comprehension and analysis is because of the media around us. So much of it is the brain off stuff, and then it's brain on every now and then.

One of my favorite examples is how the MCU changed, since earlier in the thread someone brought it up. There's this trend with earlier MCU movies where they DID have moments you could think about and chew on.

The Winter Soldier has that whole, "This isn't Freedom, this is Fear." line from Cap early on in the movie. That's something to think about. That's something to analyze and try to apply to our lives outside of the theater.

But now it's like the most elaborate keys jingling in people's faces most of the time and sometimes we get something like Spiderverse that DOES make us think about the very nature of the characters we follow.

Anyway, sorry if this came across as rambling or I got off track. I just wanted to say something.

Matt Damon explains why they don’t make movies like they used to. Pls watch.